Among the weirdest peccadilloes to emerge in the recent flood of stories of sexual harassment are those situations in which a man invites or coerces a woman to watch him masturbate. Analyzing the psychology of such a man can potentially help us understand the various forms of toxic masculinity currently filling the headlines. As a therapist, I’ve seen a few men who have done this kind of thing and most are driven by intolerable anxiety. The exhibitionistic fantasy—that’s what this is—originates in the man’s need to reassure himself that his penis, his manhood, is not bad, defective, or insignificant. A key part of the imagined scenario is that the woman is fascinated and excited by the display, which affirms the man’s positive sense of masculinity and momentarily relieves his anxiety. This dynamic is usually unconscious.
The Psychology of Sexuality
Sex begins in the mind and travels down below. Based on my work with Joseph Weiss and the San Francisco Psychotherapy Research Group, I developed a new way of looking at the psychological dynamics behind sexual excitement. My theory is a psychoanalytic one, but is also down-to-earth and clinically useful (I hope).